Stoned babies can't see mirrors

In the near future, you might see this slogan on a bumper sticker or stapled to a slowly leaking carton of milk. You can thank my brother Tom for this one.

Mission: Probable

Me: does shannon want to see V for Vendetta?
Garrett: not really
Me: she's missing out on a man in a cape an a Guy Fawkes mask. her loss.
Garrett: "aww was Dan inviteing me, or wondering if [garrett] would get in trouble'' - shannon
Me: inviting her. if I thought for a moment that you were in trouble for seeing a movie, I'd rescue you like they do for women married to guys in muslim countries.
Me: "Not without my daughter" style. you'd be sally fields

Agéd Candy

Sancho(4:17:26 PM): hm, i have heart shaped junior mints

Quixote (4:17:32 PM): wait...why?

Sancho(4:17:38 PM): i dunno, i just do

Sancho(4:17:47 PM): i think they're from valentines day

Quixote (4:18:07 PM): but they're mints

Sancho(4:18:11 PM): junior ones

Quixote (4:18:24 PM): I've always wondered what a senior mint would look like

Sancho(4:18:27 PM): they're not quite as senior as a peppermint patty

Sancho(4:18:39 PM): haha, it'd be all wrinkly and covered in hair

Quixote (4:18:44 PM): haha

Catholic Carnivorism

Silly Catholics. Fish is meat. Meat is the muscle of an animal. So all that fish you're choking down? It's meat. Unless you just went like...PB&J today. Then you're totally okay in my book.

For the record, I'm trying to maintain the balance today. Since all those Catholics aren't eating meat, I'm forgoing veggies and replacing those servings with extra meat. Y'know. For a better tomorrow or something.

Biblical proportions

I was driving into Philadelphia the other night and I came to a realization while talking to my friend. It was about the bible, and it really shocked me. So I'm totally going to share it with you, the internets, so you can see it too.

Now...I'm not sure how things are where you're from...but around here, if you find some sleeping chick and knock her up while she's unconscious, that's rape. That's fucked up shit. God, as in "thy lord, God". He's a rapist. That's fucked up.